Just to let everyone know I will be away from the blog for the next few weeks. In The Beginning is a topic I can talk about forever. I learned a great deal from Tara, and the group of women she introduced to me. These are my special friends. As I have said on the blog Tara worked not only with men, she worked with couples. She introduced the women to one another. It gave these women a place where they could talk openly about their relationships in an environment that was both safe and open as well as away from men.
One of the other things to mention is that John and I learned a great deal from each other. In many ways we had drifted apart. The sad part of this long story is that it took a Tara to bring us back together again. The experience made both John and I realize that we loved each other, and that there was a special bond between us. When John first came home the discipline was harsh. For a long time I was more of a dominatrix than a mistress wife. There was a feeling that John had to be punished for his misdeeds. When John first came home he was not allowed in our bedroom. It felt terrible being alone knowing he was locked in the next room. A mistress is not supposed to cry, but cry I did.
Looking back on things I now realize that both of us were at fault for what happened. My energy, my focus was on the children, not my husband. All along I should have encouraged him to have become open with me. What children need most is a loving home where the needs of both parents are being met. As the children were growing up John's need for female authority was not being addressed.
John saw me as a wife, but not as a mistress. She would not understand he said to himself in the same way many of you hide your submissive side from loved ones.
Femdom has a kinky side, but in and of itself being a mistress to a man is very vanilla. It is simply about being the person who is in control of a relationship. Femdom games can be fun, and can add to the value of a relationship. Tara taught me to throw a ball and have a man fetch it with his mouth.
Believe it or not men love doing this little exercise. Yes, it is kinky, but we all need a little kink in our lives. What I believe is that when a man is submissive a wife has a duty to deal with it. A woman who sweeps a husband's submissive needs under the carpet is not being a loving, dutiful wife.
The other thing that needs to be said is how proud I am of Becky for accepting her responsibly of becoming a mistress for her husband. There are things we talk about as mother and daughter and many things that are personal that neither of us feel comfortable discussing. I hope that she and her husband are both happy, and that they sometimes find the time to play some of these games. In the grand scheme of things what is wrong with occasionally having a man fetch a ball or dance for a wife's entrainment? Sometimes I believe we would all be happier if we took life a little less seriously.
Love, Kathy
Friday, March 18, 2016
Saturday, March 12, 2016
In The Beginning....
I was not going to post this morning, but did want to thank all of you for sharing. On this blog many of you have opened up for the very first time. In a lot of ways it is good to talk about things like love and feelings and things that matter to us as people. A girlfriend once told me that a blog that discusses topics such as this would not succeed as men have no interest. I am pleased to report that she was wrong. Once again we have an excellent contribution from Mistress Sandra. While I appreciate her contributions, I truly wish she would start a blog of her own.
When John first came home we didn't talk about Tara or the studio for a number of years. Both of us wanted to sweep that hurt and the past under the rug. Then, gradually we started to talk. In a sense we needed closure. During our nightly conversations I asked John questions about how he felt when serving Tara, and her assistants in the studio. So much more came out of those conversations. As we grew more confident in our assumed roles the decision was made to open up with the children. In truth it was getting difficult to hide the face that our relationship had changed. Little by little we told them about Tara, the studio experience, and the reason for the separation. Both of our children were surprised, but thought no less of us.
As I grew more confident as a mistress wife I gradually started making comments on other blogs. To my surprise people had interest in what it was I had to say. Little by little the comments expanded until the decision was made to start Femdom 101. Over the last several years I have had the experience of communicating with a number of remarkable people. Many of you are happy.
There are many of you who are stilling looking for that perfect woman to serve. There are many more of you who are not quite sure who your are as a person.
In some ways talking with John caused more hurt. One of the things I came to realize was that John had developed strong feelings for not only Tara, but for one of the young women who worked for her. Like Tara had this young mistress worked in the studio as a way of paying her way through college. She was bright, attractive, and articulate. While working in the studio I actually got to know her, but at the time had no idea of the special connection she had with John. She brought John to her apartment where he cleaned and served her and a roommate as their personal slave. In a way I blame her more than him. John, like most men does not have the strength to resist the will of a strong, confident woman. This is part of why the activities of most men should be monitored by wives. I tell my daughter that even though you trust him you need to know what he is doing and whom he is doing it with. Every so often give him a face time call and have him show you his immediate environment. If not supervised most men will eventually find a way to get into touble.
Mistress Sandra gave us an excellent comment regarding the reasons men have for visiting a professional dominatrix. Mistress Tara taught me a great deal. For one things she cared enough for her clients to give them something of a real experience. A few clients who had the time and the money were selected to become houseboys in the studio. These houseboys had the opportunity to truly serve the everyday needs of a mistress. These houseboys cleaned her toilets, moped floors, ran all kinds of errands for the mistresses, and paid for the privilege. My baby was one of these houseboys. He learned a great deal about himself by serving in this capacity. One of the things he realized was that he loved being at the beck and call of a confident woman who was willing to rule him. Back then he did not see me as that person. John, like many of you enjoyed the feeling of being told to fetch a drink, run an errand, or simply kneel as a man does before his mistress.
In a sense he truly enjoyed being a slave to a female owner. What I have learned is that John's submissive nature is not a negative. It is a positive. Submissive men are treasurers to have and to hold. They are the rough diamonds that need to be cut and polished to a shine. There are too few women willing to take on this challenge.
Aside from single men Tara worked with couples. In some ways this sounds very kinky, but she taught wives and girlfriends things about their men that they never would have known.
Like the Conquer Him blog she put the women together in a small group where they could learn and grow from one another. As I learned more from the studio experience she put me in touch with that group of women. Years later a few of these Tara graduates have become some of my closes friends.
One of the comments that I really appreciated was the one by Charlie. His ideas are a little different from most of the men who comment. This is fine and is appreciated. There needs to more places where men, ordinary submissive men, can learn to serve ordinary women with ordinary lives. Every marriage is based on love. Not every femdom relationships needs to be a marriage, nor does every femdom relationship need to be based on love. Many men need the experience of serving women in ordinary life. Often times I believe this type of experience would be good preparation for married life.
Love, Kathy
When John first came home we didn't talk about Tara or the studio for a number of years. Both of us wanted to sweep that hurt and the past under the rug. Then, gradually we started to talk. In a sense we needed closure. During our nightly conversations I asked John questions about how he felt when serving Tara, and her assistants in the studio. So much more came out of those conversations. As we grew more confident in our assumed roles the decision was made to open up with the children. In truth it was getting difficult to hide the face that our relationship had changed. Little by little we told them about Tara, the studio experience, and the reason for the separation. Both of our children were surprised, but thought no less of us.
As I grew more confident as a mistress wife I gradually started making comments on other blogs. To my surprise people had interest in what it was I had to say. Little by little the comments expanded until the decision was made to start Femdom 101. Over the last several years I have had the experience of communicating with a number of remarkable people. Many of you are happy.
There are many of you who are stilling looking for that perfect woman to serve. There are many more of you who are not quite sure who your are as a person.
In some ways talking with John caused more hurt. One of the things I came to realize was that John had developed strong feelings for not only Tara, but for one of the young women who worked for her. Like Tara had this young mistress worked in the studio as a way of paying her way through college. She was bright, attractive, and articulate. While working in the studio I actually got to know her, but at the time had no idea of the special connection she had with John. She brought John to her apartment where he cleaned and served her and a roommate as their personal slave. In a way I blame her more than him. John, like most men does not have the strength to resist the will of a strong, confident woman. This is part of why the activities of most men should be monitored by wives. I tell my daughter that even though you trust him you need to know what he is doing and whom he is doing it with. Every so often give him a face time call and have him show you his immediate environment. If not supervised most men will eventually find a way to get into touble.
Mistress Sandra gave us an excellent comment regarding the reasons men have for visiting a professional dominatrix. Mistress Tara taught me a great deal. For one things she cared enough for her clients to give them something of a real experience. A few clients who had the time and the money were selected to become houseboys in the studio. These houseboys had the opportunity to truly serve the everyday needs of a mistress. These houseboys cleaned her toilets, moped floors, ran all kinds of errands for the mistresses, and paid for the privilege. My baby was one of these houseboys. He learned a great deal about himself by serving in this capacity. One of the things he realized was that he loved being at the beck and call of a confident woman who was willing to rule him. Back then he did not see me as that person. John, like many of you enjoyed the feeling of being told to fetch a drink, run an errand, or simply kneel as a man does before his mistress.
In a sense he truly enjoyed being a slave to a female owner. What I have learned is that John's submissive nature is not a negative. It is a positive. Submissive men are treasurers to have and to hold. They are the rough diamonds that need to be cut and polished to a shine. There are too few women willing to take on this challenge.
Aside from single men Tara worked with couples. In some ways this sounds very kinky, but she taught wives and girlfriends things about their men that they never would have known.
Like the Conquer Him blog she put the women together in a small group where they could learn and grow from one another. As I learned more from the studio experience she put me in touch with that group of women. Years later a few of these Tara graduates have become some of my closes friends.
One of the comments that I really appreciated was the one by Charlie. His ideas are a little different from most of the men who comment. This is fine and is appreciated. There needs to more places where men, ordinary submissive men, can learn to serve ordinary women with ordinary lives. Every marriage is based on love. Not every femdom relationships needs to be a marriage, nor does every femdom relationship need to be based on love. Many men need the experience of serving women in ordinary life. Often times I believe this type of experience would be good preparation for married life.
Love, Kathy
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
In The Beginning...
For the drive home that evening Tara had given me much to think about. We had spoken for hours.
Once, toward the end of the conversation she called the house boy back into the room where we were sitting. She pointed to the floor in front of her feet. The slave, as she referred to him went down on all fours. She then proceeded to use this poor man's back as a foot rest. When she was tired of having her feet in that position she simply used her foot to push him away. This men, well into his fifties understood the correct position to immediately assume as his head, elbows, and knees quickly went to the floor. I looked on both of their faces for some hint of embarrassment, but there was none. Later, while working in the studio I learned that it was quite routine for a woman to use a man's back as a resting place. What I believe she wanted with the exercise was to impress upon me the power that a dominant woman has with a submissive man. On another visit to the studio, weeks later, she had a man urinate in a toilet and then pressed his face into the yellowish water while she flushed it all down. There were things that discussed me about her practices. There were also things that caught my attention in a positive way.
One of the things Tara understood was that there were differences between her dominatrix studio and real life in a femdom marriage. Her own husband, a former client, she described as a slave husband.
As she used the term slave husband I had to think about what she meant. Many men need only the authority of a female she told me. Other men need discipline, things like humiliation, and even pain she said. Siting there in her living room I could not help but think of my own husband who must have spent many hours working for her in that same apartment. I wondered what he needed. Whatever it was I wondered if I could give it to him. Above all there was a big question mark in my mind. Could we ever live together again as husband and wife I asked myself. At that moment on that day I didn't know the answer to the question. Tara did tell me that John was a very submissive man who could not be happy living in a strictly vanilla style of home. What bothered me was that this stranger seemed to know so much more about my husband than I did. John and I had been married for many years, raised a family, and here she is telling me about him. It was a very awkward feeling.
During the conversation Tara asked if I would like to learn more about male submissive behavior.
Without really answering the question Tara invited me back to the studio. She wanted me to come back when clients were present to observe, and if I liked to participate in their training process.
Although she asked the question, she didn't press me for an answer. She told me to think about it for a couple of days. The message Tara gave to me was that she didn't want to be the cause of a marriage breaking up. John, my husband, came to her because he needed something that he couldn't get at home. It wasn't that he didn't love me, she said, it was just that he had this ever present powerful need that was beyond his control. A need that had been repressed for many years.
As the words come out of my mind to write this posting I can't help but wonder about the readers of femdom 101. How many of you have repressed your submissive need, and for how long, and how much happier many of you would be living under the firm domination of a loving wife. Becoming a mistress wife has made my daughter's marriage stronger. It has also made her a more confident woman who is not afraid to take control of her relationship. This blog is not about embarrassing men or suggesting that women are some how superior. It is about tolerance for a life that is slightly different from the norm. Above all it is about love and understanding between a couples.
A few of you have been given email assignments to write essays concerning femdom for my Gmail account. These are due by Friday morning. From the rest of you I want clear, well thought out responses in the comment section. What does femdom marriage or female authority mean to you. What effect had it had on your life. Has it been a positive, a negative, or what. Often it helps to put your thoughts into words.
Love, Kathy
Once, toward the end of the conversation she called the house boy back into the room where we were sitting. She pointed to the floor in front of her feet. The slave, as she referred to him went down on all fours. She then proceeded to use this poor man's back as a foot rest. When she was tired of having her feet in that position she simply used her foot to push him away. This men, well into his fifties understood the correct position to immediately assume as his head, elbows, and knees quickly went to the floor. I looked on both of their faces for some hint of embarrassment, but there was none. Later, while working in the studio I learned that it was quite routine for a woman to use a man's back as a resting place. What I believe she wanted with the exercise was to impress upon me the power that a dominant woman has with a submissive man. On another visit to the studio, weeks later, she had a man urinate in a toilet and then pressed his face into the yellowish water while she flushed it all down. There were things that discussed me about her practices. There were also things that caught my attention in a positive way.
One of the things Tara understood was that there were differences between her dominatrix studio and real life in a femdom marriage. Her own husband, a former client, she described as a slave husband.
As she used the term slave husband I had to think about what she meant. Many men need only the authority of a female she told me. Other men need discipline, things like humiliation, and even pain she said. Siting there in her living room I could not help but think of my own husband who must have spent many hours working for her in that same apartment. I wondered what he needed. Whatever it was I wondered if I could give it to him. Above all there was a big question mark in my mind. Could we ever live together again as husband and wife I asked myself. At that moment on that day I didn't know the answer to the question. Tara did tell me that John was a very submissive man who could not be happy living in a strictly vanilla style of home. What bothered me was that this stranger seemed to know so much more about my husband than I did. John and I had been married for many years, raised a family, and here she is telling me about him. It was a very awkward feeling.
During the conversation Tara asked if I would like to learn more about male submissive behavior.
Without really answering the question Tara invited me back to the studio. She wanted me to come back when clients were present to observe, and if I liked to participate in their training process.
Although she asked the question, she didn't press me for an answer. She told me to think about it for a couple of days. The message Tara gave to me was that she didn't want to be the cause of a marriage breaking up. John, my husband, came to her because he needed something that he couldn't get at home. It wasn't that he didn't love me, she said, it was just that he had this ever present powerful need that was beyond his control. A need that had been repressed for many years.
As the words come out of my mind to write this posting I can't help but wonder about the readers of femdom 101. How many of you have repressed your submissive need, and for how long, and how much happier many of you would be living under the firm domination of a loving wife. Becoming a mistress wife has made my daughter's marriage stronger. It has also made her a more confident woman who is not afraid to take control of her relationship. This blog is not about embarrassing men or suggesting that women are some how superior. It is about tolerance for a life that is slightly different from the norm. Above all it is about love and understanding between a couples.
A few of you have been given email assignments to write essays concerning femdom for my Gmail account. These are due by Friday morning. From the rest of you I want clear, well thought out responses in the comment section. What does femdom marriage or female authority mean to you. What effect had it had on your life. Has it been a positive, a negative, or what. Often it helps to put your thoughts into words.
Love, Kathy
Monday, March 7, 2016
In The Begining..
It was not so long ago that I talked about my first visit to the dominatrix studio, but it may me well to talk about it once more. Each time I talk about this first meeting different thoughts tend to come out. The drive from my suburban home to the city consumed most of an hour. During that long drive there many conflicting thoughts going through my head. Do I really want to do this, I thought. Will any good come out of it, I wondered. At each turn of the road the answer came back to me. I needed to understand what this submissive thing was all about. I needed to understand for myself the power this strange person by the name of Tara had over my husband.
The drive from my nice, neat suburban home to the studio in the Marigny was a journey not only of miles, but of one culture to another. The suburban home where John and I raised our children was a land of soccer moms and fast food. The Marigny was very different. It was a neighborhood of small restaurants and cafes, of music clubs and bars all with a bohemian feel. On the streets women could be seen holding hands with other women, and men with their arms around other men.
It was one of those neighborhoods where good suburban women like me felt out of place. Standing at the entrance waiting for the door to be opened took only a few seconds, but felt like an hour. I felt physically safe, but mentally apprehensive.
After a few seconds the front door was swung open my an older man wearing only panties with a collar around his neck. Attached to the collar was a small bell that jingled as he walked. It was not loud, but just enough to send a signal that he was there. As he bowed his head he performed a slight curtsey. In my experience curtseys were only done by European women or children in dance classes. That was the first time in my life that a man curtseyed to me. It was a strange feeling.
His words were also strange. He said something like please come in ma'am, mistress is expecting you. Who is mistress, I wondered. In my world a mistress was a woman who slept with a married man.
The mistress, who went my the name of Tara, welcomed me with a smile. I was happy that she didn't choose to greet me with a hug as woman often do with one another. I was not in the mood for a hug from the woman who had stolen the affections of my husband. She offered me a place to sit on a comfortable chair across from her. We were close enough for conversation, but she was careful to keep a distance between us. I am sure that she sensed my hurt, and my discomfort in being with her in this very strange place.
As I set down Tara offered a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, or simply something to drink. The half naked man who opened the door stood there with his head bowed as if he was afraid to look at us. I would later learn that that is part of the training for males in the studio. In the presence of women they are expected to look down, never at them. And yes, Tara referred to them as males rather than men. This is where I picked up the habit. I believe women react to nudity in a different way from men. When men see a half naked woman their eyes are drawn to her. When confronted with a half naked man women tend to avert their eyes as I did when entering the studio. It was only when this man was standing just in front of us waiting for instructions that I realized the panties were lacy and ruffled. They were the kind of underwear that would normally be worn my a small child, but here was this older man simply standing there looking ridiculous in a grown up version of little girl's showy under pants. If the sight of this man wasn't so ridiculous it would have been funny.
Siting in the living room Tara and I spoke for what seemed like most of an afternoon. The monster I was expecting turned out to be a very articulate bright young lady. What attracted my attention the most was her age. She appeared to be in her mid twenties. However, as we talked she seemed to have a knowledge of the male of our species that was very foreign to me. She talked about men, or males, having the basic need to surrender themselves to female rule and service. Once again, the things we talked about, the ideas were strange concepts to me. When I expressed concern she told me straight away that there are worse things in life than having a husband who is submissive. At least you know it is a lot better than having a husband who is an ax murderer. She, of course, was trying to make a point.
That afternoon was very first introduction into the world of dominance and submission. What amazed me was how respectful these older men were to this younger lady. If they spoke at all it was only when spoken to, and the words usually consisted of a 'yes mistress'. In didn't take long to figure out that in this strange world the word mistress was a title of respect for a woman of authority. On the drive home that day the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. This woman whom I spent the afternoon with was my husband's mistress. I was only his wife.
Love, Kathy
The drive from my nice, neat suburban home to the studio in the Marigny was a journey not only of miles, but of one culture to another. The suburban home where John and I raised our children was a land of soccer moms and fast food. The Marigny was very different. It was a neighborhood of small restaurants and cafes, of music clubs and bars all with a bohemian feel. On the streets women could be seen holding hands with other women, and men with their arms around other men.
It was one of those neighborhoods where good suburban women like me felt out of place. Standing at the entrance waiting for the door to be opened took only a few seconds, but felt like an hour. I felt physically safe, but mentally apprehensive.
After a few seconds the front door was swung open my an older man wearing only panties with a collar around his neck. Attached to the collar was a small bell that jingled as he walked. It was not loud, but just enough to send a signal that he was there. As he bowed his head he performed a slight curtsey. In my experience curtseys were only done by European women or children in dance classes. That was the first time in my life that a man curtseyed to me. It was a strange feeling.
His words were also strange. He said something like please come in ma'am, mistress is expecting you. Who is mistress, I wondered. In my world a mistress was a woman who slept with a married man.
The mistress, who went my the name of Tara, welcomed me with a smile. I was happy that she didn't choose to greet me with a hug as woman often do with one another. I was not in the mood for a hug from the woman who had stolen the affections of my husband. She offered me a place to sit on a comfortable chair across from her. We were close enough for conversation, but she was careful to keep a distance between us. I am sure that she sensed my hurt, and my discomfort in being with her in this very strange place.
As I set down Tara offered a cup of coffee, a glass of wine, or simply something to drink. The half naked man who opened the door stood there with his head bowed as if he was afraid to look at us. I would later learn that that is part of the training for males in the studio. In the presence of women they are expected to look down, never at them. And yes, Tara referred to them as males rather than men. This is where I picked up the habit. I believe women react to nudity in a different way from men. When men see a half naked woman their eyes are drawn to her. When confronted with a half naked man women tend to avert their eyes as I did when entering the studio. It was only when this man was standing just in front of us waiting for instructions that I realized the panties were lacy and ruffled. They were the kind of underwear that would normally be worn my a small child, but here was this older man simply standing there looking ridiculous in a grown up version of little girl's showy under pants. If the sight of this man wasn't so ridiculous it would have been funny.
Siting in the living room Tara and I spoke for what seemed like most of an afternoon. The monster I was expecting turned out to be a very articulate bright young lady. What attracted my attention the most was her age. She appeared to be in her mid twenties. However, as we talked she seemed to have a knowledge of the male of our species that was very foreign to me. She talked about men, or males, having the basic need to surrender themselves to female rule and service. Once again, the things we talked about, the ideas were strange concepts to me. When I expressed concern she told me straight away that there are worse things in life than having a husband who is submissive. At least you know it is a lot better than having a husband who is an ax murderer. She, of course, was trying to make a point.
That afternoon was very first introduction into the world of dominance and submission. What amazed me was how respectful these older men were to this younger lady. If they spoke at all it was only when spoken to, and the words usually consisted of a 'yes mistress'. In didn't take long to figure out that in this strange world the word mistress was a title of respect for a woman of authority. On the drive home that day the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. This woman whom I spent the afternoon with was my husband's mistress. I was only his wife.
Love, Kathy
Sunday, February 28, 2016
In The Begining.
Within the last few months I have started to follow the Conquer Him blog. What appeals to me about the blog is that it makes sense. It is written from a female prospective, and seems to focus on real life issues rather than how long it has been since the last orgasm. A recent posting highlighted a
few tenets of a successful female led marriage. One of these is that husband must share in the wife's vision for the family and life in general. I could not agree more with this statement. From the time our children left home for college it seemed that both John and I had different visions of what we wanted.
The truth was probably that neither of us really knew.
For so many years John and I had been a couple. In almost everything we did there was a 'we'.
Now there was only a 'he' and a 'she'. We were separated. The separation was mental as well as physical. For the physical part John went to stay with his sister. That night for the first time since my mother passed, I cried. Because of John's business travels there had always been nights alone. That night, however, the bedroom felt emptier than ever before. For me that was part of the mental separation. More than once I looked at the phone number John scribbled on that small piece of paper. More than once my hand reached for the phone to make that call. I wanted to know for myself the monster that was hiding on the end of the line, and to understand the grip she had on my husband.
It was sometime later that I finally understood the source of her power. I may have been John's wife, the mother of his children, but she was his mistress. She was the one who understood the secrets of his soul, his need for female control and his need to surrender himself to another person.
What neither of us realized what that in a matter of speaking the children were the glue that held us together. When they left for college John began to think about things he had wanted his entire life, but never told to anyone or acted on. Even after being married for many years John could not find the inner courage to tell me about his submissive nature. Looking back much of the blame belonged to me. Way back when we happened to see a type of cable special that showed men being punished and whipped in a dominatrix type of dungeon. I remembered that John was memorized by the show. My comments were negative. I didn't understand how men could act that way, I more or less told him. I may have even added that is sickening.
After a day or so I finally found the courage to lift the phone and dial the number scribbled on the piece of paper. As the phone was ringing I could not but help wondering what type of terrible person would answer. Then there was this voice, feminine but firm saying 'this is Tara'. I didn't know how to start the conversation. After a few seconds this lady understood the situation and the reason for the call. She told me that John was a sweet man, and that he was also very submissive. He, she said was one the most submissive men she had ever worked with. As she sensed the hurt in my voice she made the statement that rang through so much of the early part of the blog-'at least he is not an ax murderer'. At that moment I had no real understanding as to why she was making that comment.
Some time later I understood that she was trying to tell me is that there are a lot worse things than having a husband who is submissive. A little latter still I understood that she was trying to tell me to stop whining and deal with my man's needs as woman instead of a cry baby.
To my surprise this monster woman who had a relationship with my husband said she would like to meet with me. She invited me to come to her studio so that we could visit in person. Under no circumstance did she want to break up our marriage, she told me. This lady was a dominatrix, but referred to her establishment as a studio. It all sounded sickening and very weird. Yet, to my own surprise I told her yes, I would visit with her. Then, to my even greater surprise she asked me a question, 'are you offended by male nudity' she asked.
Love, Kathy
few tenets of a successful female led marriage. One of these is that husband must share in the wife's vision for the family and life in general. I could not agree more with this statement. From the time our children left home for college it seemed that both John and I had different visions of what we wanted.
The truth was probably that neither of us really knew.
For so many years John and I had been a couple. In almost everything we did there was a 'we'.
Now there was only a 'he' and a 'she'. We were separated. The separation was mental as well as physical. For the physical part John went to stay with his sister. That night for the first time since my mother passed, I cried. Because of John's business travels there had always been nights alone. That night, however, the bedroom felt emptier than ever before. For me that was part of the mental separation. More than once I looked at the phone number John scribbled on that small piece of paper. More than once my hand reached for the phone to make that call. I wanted to know for myself the monster that was hiding on the end of the line, and to understand the grip she had on my husband.
It was sometime later that I finally understood the source of her power. I may have been John's wife, the mother of his children, but she was his mistress. She was the one who understood the secrets of his soul, his need for female control and his need to surrender himself to another person.
What neither of us realized what that in a matter of speaking the children were the glue that held us together. When they left for college John began to think about things he had wanted his entire life, but never told to anyone or acted on. Even after being married for many years John could not find the inner courage to tell me about his submissive nature. Looking back much of the blame belonged to me. Way back when we happened to see a type of cable special that showed men being punished and whipped in a dominatrix type of dungeon. I remembered that John was memorized by the show. My comments were negative. I didn't understand how men could act that way, I more or less told him. I may have even added that is sickening.
After a day or so I finally found the courage to lift the phone and dial the number scribbled on the piece of paper. As the phone was ringing I could not but help wondering what type of terrible person would answer. Then there was this voice, feminine but firm saying 'this is Tara'. I didn't know how to start the conversation. After a few seconds this lady understood the situation and the reason for the call. She told me that John was a sweet man, and that he was also very submissive. He, she said was one the most submissive men she had ever worked with. As she sensed the hurt in my voice she made the statement that rang through so much of the early part of the blog-'at least he is not an ax murderer'. At that moment I had no real understanding as to why she was making that comment.
Some time later I understood that she was trying to tell me is that there are a lot worse things than having a husband who is submissive. A little latter still I understood that she was trying to tell me to stop whining and deal with my man's needs as woman instead of a cry baby.
To my surprise this monster woman who had a relationship with my husband said she would like to meet with me. She invited me to come to her studio so that we could visit in person. Under no circumstance did she want to break up our marriage, she told me. This lady was a dominatrix, but referred to her establishment as a studio. It all sounded sickening and very weird. Yet, to my own surprise I told her yes, I would visit with her. Then, to my even greater surprise she asked me a question, 'are you offended by male nudity' she asked.
Love, Kathy
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
From The Begining.
While all of the comments to the recent posting have been appreciated, the blog has been blessed with another excellent contribution by Mistress Sandra. What I want is for each of you to read and digest what she is saying. Also, in real life try to remember that you are an extension of your wife and mistress. This is true whether you are in a femdom marriage or only a vanilla one. Your behavior either good or bad, positive or negative is a reflection of her values. A wife wants to be proud of her husband. And most certainly there are times when she wants to show him off. Having said that the first time I showed John off was a disaster. Being a mistress wife does not mean being the perfect woman. We all make mistakes. In the end men appreciate having a wife who is willing to try.
Too many women simply reject their husband's need out of hand without making an effort to really understand them. This is part of what puts so many couples on the track for divorce court.
The next morning David was very sweet. We are the early rises in Becky's home. It was Sunday morning so there was a little time for conversation. From his remarks it was very clear to me that David felt extremely sorry for having disappointed Becky the night before. He is a very sweet young man who appreciates having a wife who is also willing to become a mistress. I heard things like she is very good to me, and I am so lucky. With a few words I told him not to be so hard on him self. He may not be the perfect submissive, but neither is Becky the perfect mistress. It had been my feeling that he should have been better prepared for the challenge that Becky laid down for him. After all, falling into Command Position in front of a family member is not an easy task. For a man like David who lived as a free man most of his life it can be a herculean challenge to bottle up his ego. In a way what Becky was demanding of him was almost complete surrender of his being to her. Many men will want to do this, many men will do it, but it takes time and training. Mentally David was not in that place.
In the conversation that morning David asked me about John, about how it was with us in the beginning, were there times when our relationship got off track. It occurred to me that even David knew only part of our story. The first take down of the blog occurred when I was ready to open up with Becky about the way her father and I lived. There were many things that she needed to hear from me rather than read on a blog. The first thing was for her to understand that there was never a time when her father and I stopped loving each other. In many ways her father was unfaithful to me. It caused hurt and pain, but the reality of the situation was that in my quest to be the perfect mother I stopped being a wife.
For many years we were the typical suburban family with two children, two cars, a dog and a nice home. We both worked with John making the most money. John's work had always required overnight travel. When he was away we all missed him. When away he really missed the time with all of us. As John's main focus was on making a living, my focus was on the home and the children. Taking care of the children was my main job and I loved being a mom. One day John and I found our selves alone. Both of the children had going off to college. On the surface life continued as normal. Yet, there was a vacuum, an empty spot in our lives. After a while John's business trips seemed to occur more often and they took longer. Even when he was in town he would often come home late. When he was at home his mind seemed detached and far away. It was not that we argued it was more like we had nothing to talk about. Our nighttime ritual consisted of a quick kiss and each of us then rolled over to read our respective books. Looking back on things as they were neither of us was unhappy, but neither of us was happy.
By this time in our lives John and I had raised two children, four dogs, purchased three homes, and more automobiles than anyone could remember. There was nothing we didn't know about each other or so it seemed. John loved going to the gym, or so I thought. He very seldom left the house without his gym bag. We lived some distance from the city where he worked, and he favored a gym close to his office in the business district. It was convenient he told me. One day he happened to leave his him gym bag at home. As it so happened on that day I was doing the laundry. And, as it so happened I needed a little more laundry to fill our a load of cottons. Without really thinking about it I went to John's gym bag.
Laying beneath his shorts and t shirt was the surprise of my life. By this time most of you know that the surprise waiting for me was a pair of women's panties. In that moment all I could see was red flashes. My most immediate thought was that John was having an affair. I felt anger, I felt betrayed, and most of all hurt. I didn't call John. I made the decision to confront him as he came home from work. As he walked in the house I held the panties high over my head as if they were a call to battle. The look on his face at being discovered was shear panic. Neither of us had the composure to speak in a rational way.
The guilty look on John's face told me that my assumption of an affair had to be correct. With a loud voice, I wanted him out of the house. It's not what you think he continued to utter. What is it then, I finally screamed. In half sentences and with broken words he told me that the panties were his.
I didn't believe him. I didn't really want to believe him, I didn't know what to believe. He finally mentioned something about a dominatrix who made him wear them. Whatever, an affair or a dominatrix I wanted him out of the house. On the way our of the house he said something to the effect there was never any sex, and she would confirm it. He wrote down a phone number, and asked if I would call her.
That little incident way back then was the beginning of a long road of discovery for both of us.
Love, Kathy
Too many women simply reject their husband's need out of hand without making an effort to really understand them. This is part of what puts so many couples on the track for divorce court.
The next morning David was very sweet. We are the early rises in Becky's home. It was Sunday morning so there was a little time for conversation. From his remarks it was very clear to me that David felt extremely sorry for having disappointed Becky the night before. He is a very sweet young man who appreciates having a wife who is also willing to become a mistress. I heard things like she is very good to me, and I am so lucky. With a few words I told him not to be so hard on him self. He may not be the perfect submissive, but neither is Becky the perfect mistress. It had been my feeling that he should have been better prepared for the challenge that Becky laid down for him. After all, falling into Command Position in front of a family member is not an easy task. For a man like David who lived as a free man most of his life it can be a herculean challenge to bottle up his ego. In a way what Becky was demanding of him was almost complete surrender of his being to her. Many men will want to do this, many men will do it, but it takes time and training. Mentally David was not in that place.
In the conversation that morning David asked me about John, about how it was with us in the beginning, were there times when our relationship got off track. It occurred to me that even David knew only part of our story. The first take down of the blog occurred when I was ready to open up with Becky about the way her father and I lived. There were many things that she needed to hear from me rather than read on a blog. The first thing was for her to understand that there was never a time when her father and I stopped loving each other. In many ways her father was unfaithful to me. It caused hurt and pain, but the reality of the situation was that in my quest to be the perfect mother I stopped being a wife.
For many years we were the typical suburban family with two children, two cars, a dog and a nice home. We both worked with John making the most money. John's work had always required overnight travel. When he was away we all missed him. When away he really missed the time with all of us. As John's main focus was on making a living, my focus was on the home and the children. Taking care of the children was my main job and I loved being a mom. One day John and I found our selves alone. Both of the children had going off to college. On the surface life continued as normal. Yet, there was a vacuum, an empty spot in our lives. After a while John's business trips seemed to occur more often and they took longer. Even when he was in town he would often come home late. When he was at home his mind seemed detached and far away. It was not that we argued it was more like we had nothing to talk about. Our nighttime ritual consisted of a quick kiss and each of us then rolled over to read our respective books. Looking back on things as they were neither of us was unhappy, but neither of us was happy.
By this time in our lives John and I had raised two children, four dogs, purchased three homes, and more automobiles than anyone could remember. There was nothing we didn't know about each other or so it seemed. John loved going to the gym, or so I thought. He very seldom left the house without his gym bag. We lived some distance from the city where he worked, and he favored a gym close to his office in the business district. It was convenient he told me. One day he happened to leave his him gym bag at home. As it so happened on that day I was doing the laundry. And, as it so happened I needed a little more laundry to fill our a load of cottons. Without really thinking about it I went to John's gym bag.
Laying beneath his shorts and t shirt was the surprise of my life. By this time most of you know that the surprise waiting for me was a pair of women's panties. In that moment all I could see was red flashes. My most immediate thought was that John was having an affair. I felt anger, I felt betrayed, and most of all hurt. I didn't call John. I made the decision to confront him as he came home from work. As he walked in the house I held the panties high over my head as if they were a call to battle. The look on his face at being discovered was shear panic. Neither of us had the composure to speak in a rational way.
The guilty look on John's face told me that my assumption of an affair had to be correct. With a loud voice, I wanted him out of the house. It's not what you think he continued to utter. What is it then, I finally screamed. In half sentences and with broken words he told me that the panties were his.
I didn't believe him. I didn't really want to believe him, I didn't know what to believe. He finally mentioned something about a dominatrix who made him wear them. Whatever, an affair or a dominatrix I wanted him out of the house. On the way our of the house he said something to the effect there was never any sex, and she would confirm it. He wrote down a phone number, and asked if I would call her.
That little incident way back then was the beginning of a long road of discovery for both of us.
Love, Kathy
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Question # 1 My Answer
Well, what I believe is there is a little bit of truth in each of the answers. This exercise was intended to get more of you involved with the blog. Also, it is good for each of you to examine your own behavior. Ask yourselves what is it I do that pleases my wife. What are the habits or behaviors that she doesn't like. This is especially true in the company of her friends. As her husband or submissive your actions are a reflection of her. You are in many ways an extension of your wife. If a part of her home is dirty or uncared for it reflects on your mistress. If you go out with old, dirty clothes it is a reflection on her. By the same token polite and gentlemanly behavior in the company of her friends will probably bring a smile to her face.
One of the things we have always said about Becky is that she is stubborn. A few weesk back we were watching an episode of Dowton Abbey on the PBS station. In that episode the character by the name of Lady Mary was dressing down her father over some issue. At that moment it occurred to John that this character's personality was very much like our Becky. She has always been a strong minder person who wants things her way. Even as a young teenager she had her way with John. She would have him pick up a group of friends from a dance or movie and have him bring them to an ice cream shop where he would wait for them in the car. He would not do this for our son, but Becky had a way with him.
My own feeling was that David was not far enough along in his development to be shown off to a mother-in-law. As is usual though Becky wanted to have things her way, and maybe there was a desire to show mom how well her guy was coming along. You can push a man too fast. While men want to be trained by a wife, they need to progress at a certain pace. While men love to be put in Command Position it can also become a scary proposition for them. Command position is a powerful tool which places great control in the hands of the female. It says to the man that his wife can physically control him any place at any time. Unless he is willing to be totally outed a man needs be on his best behavior in the presence of his mistress. This type of absolute power in the hands of a mistress wife will cause trepidation in the soul of most men.
There was a young African American girl who worked in the studio as a mistress. Tara asked that I observe her with a client. Like David this gentlemen was not quite ready to fall to the ground at the snap of her fingers. Without a second thought she slapped him hard in the face. It was against the rules to slap a man so hard as to make a mark on his face but she did it anyway. Although it was not known to me at the time this young lady had previously made John something of her personal houseboy. This was also against the rules. She got away with things because men asked for her. Another interesting thing I learned at the studio was that men often preferred minority women as mistresses.
Going back to Becky she should have spent more time training her husband before showing him off.
In past years John and I have going through the routine of snapping fingers so many times that he has been mentally conditioned to respond to this non verbal command. As a general rule I now use this command twice per day. In the evening when we talk I put him in position for a few seconds, and then allow him to rise to his knees. Before ending our session he is put back into position for a few seconds, and then released. It adds a small bit of formality to our nightly talks. We have both grown accustomed to the routine. It is normal to us. John takes a special pride in responding as quickly as possible even though age as slowed him.
While most of you seem to fault David, I put as much of the blame on Becky. It is the responsibility of the wife to properly train her man. This is something that I feel strongly about. Becky, like David is learning. Together, they are feeling their way into this brave new world of femdom. Neither one of them are forcing the other into a way of life that the other does not want.
One of the things we have always said about Becky is that she is stubborn. A few weesk back we were watching an episode of Dowton Abbey on the PBS station. In that episode the character by the name of Lady Mary was dressing down her father over some issue. At that moment it occurred to John that this character's personality was very much like our Becky. She has always been a strong minder person who wants things her way. Even as a young teenager she had her way with John. She would have him pick up a group of friends from a dance or movie and have him bring them to an ice cream shop where he would wait for them in the car. He would not do this for our son, but Becky had a way with him.
My own feeling was that David was not far enough along in his development to be shown off to a mother-in-law. As is usual though Becky wanted to have things her way, and maybe there was a desire to show mom how well her guy was coming along. You can push a man too fast. While men want to be trained by a wife, they need to progress at a certain pace. While men love to be put in Command Position it can also become a scary proposition for them. Command position is a powerful tool which places great control in the hands of the female. It says to the man that his wife can physically control him any place at any time. Unless he is willing to be totally outed a man needs be on his best behavior in the presence of his mistress. This type of absolute power in the hands of a mistress wife will cause trepidation in the soul of most men.
There was a young African American girl who worked in the studio as a mistress. Tara asked that I observe her with a client. Like David this gentlemen was not quite ready to fall to the ground at the snap of her fingers. Without a second thought she slapped him hard in the face. It was against the rules to slap a man so hard as to make a mark on his face but she did it anyway. Although it was not known to me at the time this young lady had previously made John something of her personal houseboy. This was also against the rules. She got away with things because men asked for her. Another interesting thing I learned at the studio was that men often preferred minority women as mistresses.
Going back to Becky she should have spent more time training her husband before showing him off.
In past years John and I have going through the routine of snapping fingers so many times that he has been mentally conditioned to respond to this non verbal command. As a general rule I now use this command twice per day. In the evening when we talk I put him in position for a few seconds, and then allow him to rise to his knees. Before ending our session he is put back into position for a few seconds, and then released. It adds a small bit of formality to our nightly talks. We have both grown accustomed to the routine. It is normal to us. John takes a special pride in responding as quickly as possible even though age as slowed him.
While most of you seem to fault David, I put as much of the blame on Becky. It is the responsibility of the wife to properly train her man. This is something that I feel strongly about. Becky, like David is learning. Together, they are feeling their way into this brave new world of femdom. Neither one of them are forcing the other into a way of life that the other does not want.
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